Barbara's Journal
August 1, 2013
     These last 30 days have been confusing. My symptoms of menopause have changed up a lot. I no longer have the painful hot flashes, but neither are they intense rushes throughout my core to my face. Just a warm flow on occasion... and if I really think about hot flashes or something negative, I can bring one on. Unfortunately, any non- negative thinking is more and more difficult for me to do. So, I ask myself, is this part of the emotional and psychological aspect of menopause? I am keenly aware that I can go from giddy to sadness in five seconds flat. That's relatively new for me.
     BUT, the worse thing to start happening is the night sweats! I thought that once my menses had completely ended I would be on the downward slide towards that physical and emotional bliss I've heard some women discuss. What's up with the early morning torrential downpour in my bed? I'm seriously considering starting back up with the Vitex I used to take for my painful hot flashes. So far, I have made some changes in my diet and stepped up my exercise and it seems to help. The last three nights in a row I slept well and was dry upon waking. So, I will keep up my new core yoga class twice a week and reduced the amount of beef and pork in my diet. I also have found that eliminating all alcohol, even that glass of wine with dinner has made a huge difference.
     I need to figure out what to do about the swings between happiness and sadness. I've had a lot of suggestions from friends about how to focus on the good things in my life... but it almost always seems like for every good thing I start to think of, my mind drifts to something negative that happened surrounding that event. Something most people don't know about me is that I have a memory that never seems to quit. I remember most events and conversations that I have had throughout my life. Sometimes I may need to sit quietly to remember exact details, but I usually am able to recall. So, as a former solution focused mental health counselor, I should be able to "heal myself" and refocus my thoughts as they drift towards the negatives... All I can say is I'm working on it.
     Our own worst enemy can be our self-talk. I'm now convinced that our second worst enemy is the fluctuation of hormones in our bodies. This can lead us off into that roller coaster ride of emotions. We women need to focus on understanding what our individual bodies need to lessen the hormonal re-balancing act. Perhaps it is in the diet. I've seen so many webpages advertising menopause diets. I've taken some of these food ideas and found some benefit so far. I definitely can't continue waiting until noon to have breakfast. Emotionally good days happen when I eat something in the early morning, even if it's just fruit. So I guess the task at hand is for me to focus on my diet and exercise and see where I am in a week or two. Oh, and to be vigilant about refocusing my thoughts on the positive and not negative things...

Barbara's Journal
June 2013

     At my annual physical in February, my doctor had told me that if I could go one year without a period, I would most likely be done with it. Then she tells me the story of her making it to the last two weeks of her year and then got it. This made me very fearful about repeating this in my own life. I felt as though I went out of my way to avoid young women… my “Margaret Meade” complex.

     Well, my last period was April 2012. My trepidation is over. It’s been one year and two months since then. I hope I’m not that one exception and have Auntie Em visit in the next few months or years from now.

     I still get hot flashes every once in a while, but they are mild, not the intense painful ones I’d been having the two years prior. Gone also are any of the flashes of anger once a month. In fact, I feel such calmness in my attitude and behavior. I like the “me” that has come out on the other side of this experience.

     Now, I did have weight gain of thirty pounds, but it didn’t help that I was a bit overweight at the start. I did not exercise as much as I should have done. My only regret. But, I stayed with my yoga, one year next week. This was great in keeping me toned and balanced, both physically and emotionally. My waistline is making its reappearance. Probably because I’ve given up that delicious Sprouts dark chocolate and fresh strawberries.

     A couple of times this month I had night sweats. I don’t have air conditioning and it’s been warm here. A cool shower helps every time. One woman told me that she still has hot flashes and night sweats more than ten years after stopping her menses. Well, I don’t want to take Vitex again for symptom relief. I’ve decided that I’m going to let things run their natural course at this point. I know that relief is there should I need it.

     Loss of libido and vaginal dryness is present. But, I have no sexual partners to make this an issue at all. It’s kind of nice to freely focus on other types of relationships and activities in my life right now.

     I do have tender joints, tendons, and muscles from time to time. I had not been aware that this could be a symptom of menopause. It may be a combination of my yoga and changes in my body’s chemistry. I don’t think it’s a problem worth taking any pills to alleviate. Just more yoga.

     As I said, yoga really helped keep my body in balance, so I never had any dizziness issues. A couple of times I remember being slightly disoriented or confused. It was while I was in my car searching for a destination. It was brief both times, but made me slightly anxious. I cannot think of any memory lapses – not that I wouldn’t want to forget some things or even that I would be able to recall if I did forget them… what was I talking about?

     There is one symptom that I did not like. I had one thick hair on my chin that kept growing and growing. I’d pluck and it’d be back the following week. I also had some more darker, prominent hairs above my lip. Took care of those as well. I’m glad that there were no other issues with my head of hair. So far, no thinning or graying. My hairdresser said she found two gray hairs amongst the lot. I don’t go back to see her anymore…

     I wonder about my frequent urination over that last two months. Is this a possible symptom of menopause? Is this why there are so many commercials on television now? The baby boomers are all post-menopausal. This issue was not included in any of the symptom lists I had located. A specific search on the internet netted answers. I found that as the estrogen levels go down, the bladder walls begin to thin. This leads a woman to think she has to go frequently. Well, I don’t have any problems producing urine when I have this feeling. And I hope this issue moderates soon.

     I will continue to take my calcium (600mg) with vitamin D3 (200 I.U. 5 mcg) pills to keep my body healthy. I have heard issues about bone density and want to avoid breakage in post menopause. All other vitamins and nutrients I get from natural foods. Since my Daniel Fast in January, I have really been focused on eating healthy. I read a lot of the packaging and avoid almost all foods with chemicals and additives. I believe that this has helped to make this passage through menopausal symptoms an easier one.

     I hope that my journaling about my personal trek through menopause has been beneficial to a woman or two. I know that it helped me in so many ways. I was not afraid to ask questions or do research to find the answers. I can look back on the entire journey and appreciate where I am because I can see from where I came. And now that I have finished with that phase of my life, I am so excited for this new course open to me!

Barbara's Journal
April 2012

     I had no period after August last year until January, though plenty of hot flashes which were painful. Every time I experienced a hot flash, it was like that shock of adrenaline one gets when tripping over something. But, so far I haven’t had the sweats like a couple of my friends.

     I was scheduled to leave for my trip to Italy early this month, but it was pushed forward two weeks. I’m glad because my period started the week I should have been overseas. It ended a day or two before I left.

     I stopped taking the Blood Builder since I hadn’t had an irregular period in over a year and a half. I also discontinued the Vitex to see if there would be a change in the hot flash symptoms. So far, everything remains the same.

Barbara's Journal
September 2011
     I find so many women to talk to about menopause. It is so much in the forefront of my thoughts that I take almost every opportunity to discuss their experiences. I actually met a woman this weekend who had “stress induced” menopause. It just stopped abruptly. I was fascinated to learn about a completely different experience. Apparently sometimes severe stress at the right time in a woman’s life, will “poof,” magically end all menses forever. No hot flashes, no symptoms, just the faucet shutting off. I’m slightly envious, but not that I would ever want a major stressor in my life like she experienced. Still, I’m jealous just the same.

Barbara's Journal
Still August 2011

     Menopause does not mean drama. But, I hear so much from people about how menopause means drama. I don’t believe that mood swings are a direct result of menopause, but rather reactions to things life throws at us as a natural course. I can’t see any justification in blaming reactions to drama as a phase in the chemical changes in a woman’s body. I view such accusations as an excuse to dismiss an individual’s reactions to stressful events.

     The end of my period is here. It’s lasted a couple of days longer than any time in the past. I actually had a big hot flash the day it ended. There was some drama that crept into my day just before it hit. But my response was so mild that I surprised myself. I hope this sense of calm remains after menopause is done with me. It’s sweet to be able to react to things with the focus of keeping grounded and generating productive results. Nobody is in the background chattering like the sound of static, telling me I’m hormonal. Sweeeet.

     The last two days of my period seemed like a car with bad brakes. Hot flashes prevailed those last two days, as though it was the heating up of the brakes, screeching and whining to a halt. Unfortunately, no amount of servicing this vehicle is worth the expense. I will let it die out on its own… but damn, make it fast!

Barbara's Journal

August 2011

     Libido has left the building. I don’t have any interest in having any relationship with a man right now. I was asked out by a retired fireman and politely declined. The urges I once had are completely gone. I don’t know if this is residual effects from my divorce a couple of years ago, or menopausal causes. But, I’m perfectly happy with how I feel right now.

     I don’t know whether it’s because I was around several women for a couple of hours today, but I came home with cramps and ceased any hot flashes from my core. Then it came. Auntie Em. The visit was not as dreaded as in the past. It was mild this time, and I seem to have developed a quarterly pattern now. No complaints. So if I had one in January, April, and now August, I should maybe expect a visit in December.

     It was proven by the famous cultural anthropologist, Margaret Meade, that one woman in a group takes the “lead” for a groups’ menses. In the African tribe that Dr. Meade studied, she found that they had a “special” hut that all of the women went to stay during their menses time. She discovered that they all ended up in that hut at one common point during the month. So maybe I was affected by one lead woman in the group I sat with today? Typically in the past, I had to deal with my two daughter’s menses patterns.

     Exercise really helps with both the menses flow and the symptoms of menopause I’ve experienced thus far. I just need to be more committed to a routine of working out.

     I have been thinking about my own knowledge of the female processes. My own mother and grandmother never spoke of such things. I once asked my mother about her hysterectomy. Apparently she’d had endometriosis, and in the 1950’s, surgery was the cure her doctor chose. She was in her mid-thirties at the time and was always taking hormonal therapies. I don’t recall exactly what it was that she was taking, but I think it was estrogen. I wish she were still here so I could ask her more details of her experiences with early menopause.

Barbara's Journal July 2011

     Hot flashes that have felt like a rush of “embarrassment” in my cheeks have now become an intense wave – like the roaring of a train moving from deep within the core of my body towards the surface and extremities. The warmth remains for what seems like a long time, but is really only five to fifteen minutes. How the heck does anyone survive this while living in a warmer climate? Thinking about moving to Alaska…

     I never had any “mood swings” in my life – only that 24 hour potential for rage about two to three days before my period. I wonder why some women have mood swings during menopause? Is it just a misinterpretation of a normal occurrence of their bodies trying to “kick-start” their period? The pituitary gland seems to be working so hard to pour out the hormones to get things going. Maybe that’s the cause of hot flashes?

     What can I do about these symptoms? Well, hormonal therapies are definitely out for me. I’ve read too many things about the horrors associated with the use of synthetic hormones. I’m more the homeopathic type anyway. Although research online reveals some problematic issues there as well, I learned a lot. Side effects limit my choices, but there are some good choices out there. Chasteberry seems to have the best results with no side effects that I can find.

     Research has always been a huge part of my life. So, after a thorough search, I made some decisions. One year ago I began to take a product called “Blood Builder.” This took about six months of daily use to stop the irregular and spotty bleeding that I’d been having for about nine months. I also began taking Vitex (80mg), which has the chasteberry in it, for regulating the irritating symptoms like hot flashes.

     To further reduce hot flashes, I have found that decreasing my caffeine and alcohol consumption (zero for the last six or seven months) worked tremendously. And returning to an exercise routine has helped.